I wanna die !!!

This is getting worse day after day.
It's bad than I had ever imagined and still it's getting badder.
We're going nowhere, just standing in the middle of road.
How long you want me to hold on !!!
I'm dying every moment, inside of me.
Nobody knows, nobody cares.
What do you want me to do.
What my heart wants me to do.
What my brain asks me to do.
What my friends feel I need to do.
What my family expects me to do.
Damn it !!!
My mind is just fucked up.
What am I supposed to do.
After all the said and done, wounded by your words and acts, why do I still love you ???
I don't want to love you, I just want to die !!!
I just want to end myself and finish this off.
I don't want anyone, I don't need anyone.
I just want to die right away.

Why don't you understand !!!
I have lost the sense of living.
I have got no reason to live.
I have got no self respect.
I have got no goal in my life.
I have got no love.
All my feelings are dead.

If I does the same thing, put your picture on my profile, will you send your brothers to kill me.
Will you help me end it all.
I want to feel free and fly.
I'm uncomfortable under my own skin.

I can still feel your touch, and it drives me crazy.
I still remember the smell of your mouth, your sleeps on my shoulder, drying your hairs in front of me, irritating you while brushing, when I fed you with my hand.
All your blank calls, when we were apart, but you couldn't live without me.
Hundreds of SMS saying 'LOVE YOU', in those first few days of love.

But, now I know the reality.
It will never be the same.
That's why, I want to die.
I want to meet God and ask him, what did I sin so bad, that you cursed two souls so without mercy.
But, may be I know his answer, and that is another reason why I want to die.

So, tell me !!!
How many times, I'm going to get punished for loving you.

you took away

you took away the girl, who said,'I LOVE YOU'
you took away the LOVE, yours and mine too
you took away my heart
you took away the kindness of soul
you took away the mind that used to think
you took away the power of brain
you took away my passion
you took away all the dreams
you took away the days
you took away the sunshine
you took away the rays of hope
you took away the happiness
you took away the smile
you took away the sparkle from these eyes
you took away the purity of touch
you took away the gentle caring part of me
you took away the warmth from my hug
you took away the trust from my kiss
you took away the faith in goodness
you took away the sense of living
you took away the reason why I lived
you took away the magic from life
you took away the breathe
you took away the beat from heart
you took away the blood from veins
you took away the sense of confidence
you took away the respect of being myself

कैसी है वो दीवानी

जिस्म से जान ले गयी वो
दिल से धड़कन ले गयी वो
सिने से साँसे ले गयी वो
आँखों से आँसू ले गयी वो

बसाकर यादो का शहर वो
सारी मीठी मुलाक़ाते ले गयी
खुद ही किए थे जो वादे
खुद ही सारी बाते ले गयी

चीर के मेरे बदन को
अंदर से आत्मा ले गयी
गुजर जाती जिंदगी सोते हुए
लेकिन नींदो से ख्वाब ले गयी

मरते थे मेरे लबो पे
छीनकर होटो से मुसकान ले गयी
कैसी है वो दीवानी
मेरी ज़िंदगी का सबसे कीमती सामान ले गयी

our love is real

sometimes I take the road
don't know where I'm going
don't care what it leads to
I keep falling and stumbling

I don't want to stop,
till the time I reach you
I just want to teach you
all the remaining lessons of love

I just want to kiss you
and want to hold you tight
as long as night turns to day
and the day turns to night

I want to tell you
it's our love, and it's real
I want you to see,
I want you to feel
you are safe in my heart,
our love is real

but I am the bloody knight

nothing you say,
makes me feel right
under this heavy darkness,
I'm craving for the light

sun has gone pale
and even moon don't seem bright
I'm crashing into my bed,
its just another crazy night

I keep my eyes closed,
cause you are nowhere into sight
you were always the princess,
but I am the bloody knight

the last time when you were here

the last time when you were here
and the other day
when I came to receive you
I did not wanted to be in
but you again fainted

so I was in, looking at you
but you were lost
as if you were hiding something
I sensed something was wrong
but when I had trusted you
I dismissed my thoughts

the other night, you confessed
you told me about the things that happened
the things that went wrong

you told me it was a mistake
and it was not meant to be
you said it happened
and you never did it

you hurt me so much that time
but you were sorry
so I forgave you
'cause I thought your feelings are true
I never thought you lied to me
'cause, you begged for mercy
and then you cried to me

but now I know the things
that you did
the things that you hide
the things that you lied
the things that you never told me

I was such a fool
I trusted you blindly
again and again,
when you had given me only pain

why did you betray
why did you break my trust
didn't I love you always ???
tell me a thing that I didn't do
tell me a season I didn't love you

then ...
why ???
why ???
why ???

it's not the thing that you broke my heart
it's not the thing that you hurt my self respect
it's not the thing that you cursed my soul
but you betrayed me !!!

all I want is a girl to prove me, that they all are not same

This is for all the girls out there ...

Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'

There's a saying in Marathi, which might make you all understand something ...

तुमचा होतो खेळ, दुसर्‍याचा जातो जीव

letter 1

THEY SAY ...

LOVE is not to forget but to forgive,
not to see, but to understand,
not to hear, but to listen,
not to let go, but to HOLD ON !!!

THEY SAY ...

Sometimes, LOVE is about learning to let GO !!!

Are you confused ???
Same with me !!!

I tried everything.
I tried both the things.

I tried letting her GO, for betterment of her life.
But then she held me so tightly, that I was breathless.
A couple of times more, I tried moving away, but she was again crazy, dying without me.

And then when she said SHE LOVED ME,
I forgave her and also tried to forget the past.
I saw and tried to understand her, but I'm a human after all, may be I missed it sometimes.
I heard the words that she said, and I listened to things that she didn't say.
And later when she tried to move away, I HELD on us as much possible.

So when I trusted her, by heart, by mind , by soul, she stabbed me unexpectedly, that too in the back, as she always did. I had trust her blindly, may be that was my mistake.

The way she broke my trust, left me shattered, I'm afraid to live.
I'm afraid to trust anyone anymore.
I don't even trust my friends, and it hurts me like HELL.
I feel sick of myself, when I talk to them.
I feel ashamed of myself, when I face them.

See !!! What you have done to ME !!!

May be I know the reason, why you wanted to end it all.
Yeah !!! I know the reason, why we are apart !!!

I know what you have gone through, and what you are going through.
So, now it's my turn, to bear it all.
I pray to God for all your sorrows and ask him to deliver all my blessings at your door.

So BAD !!!

So BAD !!!
I'm moving
moving further away
from YOU
from FRIENDS
from FAMILY
from myself

now are you satisfied ?
but I'm not gratified

I hate being someone else
this is not me
it's not me
I don't feel like talking to anybody
not even my closest friends
those childhood friends, who were always there for me
and I keep hurting them
those college friends, who always stood by me, caught me when I fell
and now I abuse them
those friends, with whom I played all my life
we drank, we ate, we fought together
and now I don't even feel like facing them

I have become someone different
an alien ???
then why don't I feel anything
why don't I feel like talking to them when they ring me
why don't I reply, when they message me
I hide myself, when they come to call me

how many days

how many days
how many hours
a garden with thorns
there are no flowers

life full of fears
and less of power
I try to bath
but its acid in the shower

million pieces

here goes another mile
my face is still without a smile
didn't knew my heart was so fragile
so when you threw it away, I was into million pieces

words make no sense
words have lost their meaning
words don't have any feeling
words just keep torturing
words keep hurting
words drive me mad
words drive me crazy

LOVE is the reason

LOVE is the reason more than 500000 people die every year all over the world.
Now I know, why is it so.
Someday I'll be amongst those more than 500000.

Sometimes it just gets too hard to resist your feelings.

When heart beats for someone who doesn't even care, every ray of light penetrates through my eyes like a needle and the moment it touches my soul, it sets me in flames.

When every breathe calls your name, I get mad at myself, and feel so helpless that I can't even kill myself.

Thousands of dreams and a bunch of promises, but with every wave of breeze that touches me, they all fall into million pieces.

I stand against my reflection, asking myself, what went wrong?
what did I do?
what happened?
why did this happen?

And I leave myself unanswered !!!

I'm just

I'm just tired.
I'm just sick.
I'm just out of my bloody mind.
I just don't want to realize that you're gone and everything is a tale of past.
I just hate being without you.
I just hate seeing myself like this.
I just want to smile.
I just want to be happy again.
I just want to feel blessed.
I just want to feel loved, loved by you.

I never came to you begging for your love or friendship.
I never was a kind of guy who would run behind girls or chase them for friendship to get into a relation.
Yeah! I was searching for someone, but I was happy alone.
May be, ain't happy, but I was not sad.
I was not hurt.
I did not have pain.
I was never lonely.
I had everything, that a person needs for living.
I had friends, family and myself.
But, it is all wasted now.

When I end my day, at night, and into the bed, I don't want to know and I don't care what tomorrow has stored for me.
But every night, when I go to sleep, I just wish not to wake up in the morning.

a conversation

Please talk to me
Please talk to me
Please listen to me

I can't live without you
I will die without you
I can't see myself without you
Don't do this to me
Don't leave me
I will be dead if you leave me
I'm afraid to lose you
I want your love
I beg you
I beg for your love
I beg for your mercy
Please forgive me
I beg you
I beg you for your love
Please accept me
I love you
I love you only, by heart, by mind, by soul
I always loved you
I still love you
and I always will love you
Please don't leave me like this
I need you
I need your love

Please say something
Please say something
Please forgive me and accept me

I will never do this again
I promise you, this will never happen again, trust me
We will start our new life, leaving all the past behind

I love you ******
Did you forgive me ?
Please say something ...

in every word

in every word
you cut me
I'm dying here
where you've put me
no one is suffering
but me
if you think you're sane
then shut me

in every word
you hit me
you come and leave
and you split me
why do you have
to cheat me
if you don't care
why you greet me

living without you

living without you
will keep tearing me
my heart beats for you
but are you hearing me

I'm really getting hit
I just want to feel safe
I'm tired of running
but I have got no escape

if I can only see you in my dreams
I want to sleep forever
'cause I know its worth
being there with each other

लेकिन एक फूल जखम दे गया

जिस्म से जान जुदा है

I HATE

I JUST HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU

you're still the ONE

I say what I don't mean
I'm all messed up and unclean
have I committed some sin ?
why am I standing on the pin

nothing feels right
the sky isn't bright
it's another dark night
and I'm alone to fight

though every thing has gone wrong
I want your pain to be undone
and I want you to know
that you're still the ONE

Every night ...

Every night I go to bed, wishing I will not wake up the next morning.

I just want to sleep forever, dreaming about us.
My dreams are the only place, where we are together, with each other.
Where we live, for each other, so close together.
I wish to die, like that, in sleep, dreaming about us an never ever want to wake up.
'Cause I just don't want to see this world without you.
Our dreams are beautiful, but my living is a nightmare.

पहिली रात्र तुझ्या मिठीत

then ... and now ...

there was a time ...

when my every word
used to make you feel special

when every thing I said
made you feel blessed

when everything I did
used to make you smile

when every thing I shared
held a meaning in your life

when I said something wrong
you always understood the meaning

when I was doing mistakes
you corrected them and made me right

when I was falling
you caught me and made me see

when I was leaving
you hold me and never let go

but now ...

my every word
is a nuisance and drives you crazy

every thing I say
demotivates you, irritates you

everything I do
is an act of emotional fool

every thing I share
it doesn't mean and none of your business

if something goes wrong
you get pissed of, even if I don't mean it

I keep doing mistakes
you don't care to correct them now

now when I'm falling
you don't even reach me and hold my hand

and now when I am here
you keep on leaving, even if it kills me

just let me know
why is it so ???
it's not fair
but why don't you care ???

I LOVE YOU this much

I LOVE YOU enough to fight for you, to compromise for you, and sacrifice myself for you.
Enough to miss you incredibly whenever we're apart regardless of time or distance.
Enough to believe in our relationship.
To stand by it through the worst of times, and never give up on us.
Enough to spend the rest of my life with you.
To be there for you when you need me or want me.
And never ever want to leave you or live without you.
I LOVE YOU this much.



I don't promise that I'll give you all the roses in the world,
but I promise to try and catch all the thorns, before they reach you.



Look, I guarantee there will be tough times.
I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing.
But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
Because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

'cause I mean it

when you are all by yourself and left alone
remembering the times that are gone

all tired and sick, soaked in tears
running to me and full of fears

without your makeup, eyes turned red
nose like a cherry and out of your head

hairs are messed up, wetness on your cheeks
muttering some words, but not able to speak

dark circles under the eyes, and hiding your face
a downside curve, with no smile to hold the grace

I'll hold you tight
I'll treat you right
I'll say,"You're looking beautiful"
'cause I mean it

I miss

I miss to blink, I miss to think
I miss to say, I miss my way

I miss the day, I miss the sun
I miss the joy, I miss the fun

I miss the light, I miss the noon
I miss the night, I miss the moon

I miss the line, I miss the talk
I miss the road, I miss the walk

I miss the message, I miss the call
I miss the stairs, I miss the fall

I miss the cry, I miss the tears
I miss to dare, I miss the fears

sometimes I miss my heart beat
sometimes I miss to move my feet

I miss myself, I miss my breathe
Longing for your love, I wish for death

but I just don't seem to miss to miss you

it's crazy, but I'm going INSANE

kings rule the people
heroes rule hearts
king can only win
in the stupid game of dart

kings come and go
just some days of show
can't lead the kingdom
when can't stand in the snow

kings need to build empires
so that people will remember
a hero will die
and then he lives forever

heroes will stay
forever on this way
they will guide the night
and brighten up the day

why the fuck you're shocked
when not ashamed of mocking
so look who is suffering
none other than bastard KING

why are you confused
don't feel abused
are you feeling sad
yeah, it's too bad

so just move your ass
out of my blog
don't keep coming back
you dirty fucker dog

if you don't love me

if you don't love me
why are you up all night
why are you falling
and need me to hold you tight

if you don't love me
why are you all alone
why are you still waiting
when you should have gone

if you don't love me
why do you cry in your bed
why you still miss me
and thoughts of us in your head

if you don't love me
why are you sick and tired
you still need me
and want to get admired

if you don't love me
why do you feel my absence
and when I'm not around you
why do you lose yourself

if you don't love me
why does your heart needs me there
why are you lying ?
can't you see, it's so unfair

if you don't love me
why do you still want to be friend
afraid to lose me ?
can't put this to an end

if you don't love me
why do you wait for my call
when I hit the rock
why do you stumble and fall

if you don't love me
why you have those nightmares
why do you get hurt
when you think no one cares

but if you really don't love me
my life is in danger
and very soon sweetheart
I am going to be a stranger

I will make it right this time

I will make it right this time
I will learn how to dance
I'll kiss you very right
I'll show you true romance

if you want, we will go
on a honeymoon to France
I can make it all work
I just need another chance

you and I,
will make it through
you and I,
don't need to prove

let me tell you,
if you still got a doubt
when you're around,
I don't feel the crowd

don't leave me lying on the floor
don't go and shut that door
I'm tired of crying
but I can't stop trying

you are the reason I breathe
you are the reason I live
you can ask for my love
I'll give more than you need

got nothing to feel

I have got nothing to feel
when everything I see is so unreal
I keep burning my wounds
cause they just don't want to heal

every thing I know
is just another show
you've lost your charm
and I've lost my glow

I don't steal anything
I write on my own
but see the clowns on street
they make a copy and a clone

they can steal my words
but will never know the meaning
like you stole my heart
but can never steal my feeling

everything out there
just makes no sense
I just can't get out of here
I'm surrounded by a fence

friend or a foe

friend or a foe
I never understood the meaning
you kicked my ass
when I was just leaning

you came and scratched my wounds
when I was just healing
I thought you really cared
but it was just another feeling

I was all broken into pieces
still I trusted you blindly
you came and stabbed my back
as always you killed me so kindly

it doesn't hurt to know
that you broke my trust
what hurts is the thing
now I have no one to trust

everything you eat
or just another piece of meat
you did it all, like a plan
spoiled it as much as you can

you selfish rotten bastard
enjoy eating your custard
game is over, get lost you ducker
I'm coming to screw, the life of a fucker

I still love that girl

I don't love you now, no more
I love you, not anymore
I still love that girl,
who I thought you were

I miss my shona
I miss my myaw
I miss my angel
I miss her now

I miss my Priya
I miss my Cinderella
I miss those rains
when I was under her umbrella

just want to be with her
but don't know how
just want to see her
wish I could somehow

I miss her touch
I miss her love
I knew she came
from the heaven above

every time we met,
she put a smile on my face
she made it feel all brand new
though it was same old place

so tell me, what I have got to do
living in a life without a reason
this is not like hell, worst than that
no crime, no punishment, still living in the prison

no one knows, that there was a time
when I was OK, I used to be fine
there used to be a sun in my sky
I was living with a dream to fly

no winds of change, ain't any cool breeze
life's like this, there's nothing to feel ease
missing your love, dreaming of your smiling faces
wish I could get back to our meeting places

every face I see, I try to recognize
and it's not you, is all that I realize
from the time that I loved you
I've surrendered myself, lost inside you

jhoothi thi teri wafayein, ya teri bewafaai jhoothi hai

jhoothi thi teri wafayein, ya teri bewafaai jhoothi hai

jhoothi thi teri muskaan, ya meri zindagi mujhse roothi hai

kaha tha tune, teri zindagi mein meri hi kami thi

ruth jaata agar main, teri aankhon mein bhi nami thi

agar nahi hai mohabbat, toh tujhe kya gum hai
dekh ke mayoos mujhe, kyon teri aankhein num hai

zinda toh hoon, magar laash banake chal raha hoon
har waqt, har pal, teri judai ki aag mein jal raha hoon

ashq nikalate nahi aankhon se aur main pee leta hoon
kahi nikal na jaye dil se duhai, isliye labo ko main see leta hoon

mohabbat hai toh mohabbat ka ijhaar kar
marr jane de mujhe ya ishq ka ikrarr kar

every day, every time

every day when I wake up
I ask myself, is it going to be harder than yesterday
or I'll just get over you today

every time I brush, I can remember the smell of your mouth
taste of that kiss when you put your lips on mine

every time I get into the living room
I remember you were sitting here
I remember all the words
I remember all your moves

every time I wear my clothes, I know what you liked
I undo the first button of my shirt and walk like that
I wear my jeans below my waist, as you showed me
and I'm usually in your favorite jeans

I just want you to come back
and put my life on the right track
and I hate my life, when I live without you

isn't it enough ... if I say ...

isn't it enough ... if I say ...

I don't want to live my life without you
I don't even want to try to live without you
I can't get you out of my head
I miss the days and nights we shared
I miss my best friend, my love, my soul mate
I miss you with every breathe I take
I care about you every single moment that passes by
I just want to know how you are
I want you to live a happy life

I don't love you, 'cause I need you
but I need you, 'cause I LOVE YOU

I don't love you, 'cause you are beautiful
but you are beautiful, 'cause I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU MYAW

yesterday night
finally I cried
it was too much to hold on
I was going crazy
I was going mad
I just wanted to see you,
I just wanted to hear you
I just wanted to feel your love

lying on my bed
knees touching my head
tears rolling down my cheeks
I was damn messed up
my head trying to burst out
I just wanted to shout
and say your name loud
I was missing you so bad
the feeling I never ever had

they say ...

they say I had money
and you were out of cash
they say I had happiness
and you were frustrated
they say I had smile on my face
and you had tears in your eyes
they say I was living in joy
and you needed someone to wipe your tears
they say I had a shoulder to give
and you needed someone's to rest on
they say I had friends
and you were lonely
they say you used me
they say you abused me
they say you only desired me
but you never deserved me

even though I know they are not true
why did you prove them right ?

I don't care what they say
all I care is what my heart says
all I care is YOU, YOU and YOU !!!

all I want is a smile on your cheeks
all I need is your LOVE to survive
all I long for is your touch
which really makes me feel so alive

prii-da-sweatheart

Chapter 7
priya .. good girl gone bad
she was MAD
but now she is really mad

lost the consciousness of being a sane human
she is changed from an angel into a devil's guardian
filled with all kinda shit attitude spoiling herself and walking on the wrong path
insane is the word she uses to describe herself
she does have a brain, but never used it after she met the bastard
I wish you had used it on time

keep losing her temper time to time which leads things to turn worst
really out of her own mind
damn confused about herself and her goals in life
she thinks that she knows everything, when she don't even know the damn realities and facts
can't see you walking on a path that will lead you nowhere, but into the puddle of mud

in reality, she possess a beautiful heart, but her brain is ruling her now
don't let your brain poise your heart

it doesn't matter if you are with me or not, but please refrain from going on the wrong path
I hope you get back to who you were, before it's too late




Chapter 8
priya
here is a girl ... who is
tryin to be happy
tryin to smile
tryin to show that she is happy
when she is not at all

tryin to prove to someone
tryin to get herself busy with work and other activities

she loves herself a lot, more than anybody in this world, its always about her, her happiness, her choice, her attitude and so on
her family, friends or whoever you might be, come later
she don't respect anyone ahead of herself
never listen to anyone, doesn't matter whether she is wrong or right
she thinks she is always right, and if you are trying to prove her wrong, then you better fuck yourself, that is what she will say

this girl is unaware of the reality that those people whom she calls her friends, care the least about her
going through a tough phase where she is sure of failing and falling
lost in herself and alone
holding onto her tears like she never did
she is strong enough to survive, but how many days ?
like this, sooner or later we both are going to dry off

sorry that I let you down

where did I go wrong
what was my mistake
didn't I love you with all my heart ?
didn't I love you with all that I had ?
wasn't my love from the depth of my soul ?

why did you punish me for the mistakes of others
I stood by your side
through the good
through the bad
through the worst
I was always there to catch your tears
and make you smile
I gave you the smile when you were down
I loved you from the moment when I realized your love for me
even though there was someone else in my life
now I know how much I loved you
I would have died for you even then
I would have destroyed this world for your tears
I would have done anything to see you smile

I still remember that night, when you needed me
sitting by the wall, and you were crying
nobody, but I realized you were not in the same room
Where is priya?'
and I came out to look for you
then the fucker followed
had he loved you then, he would have seen you before me
he would have noticed you for not being in the same room
I still remember it all like a picture on a wall inside my head
I came and sat in front of you
'Hey, Priya !!!'
'Why r u crying ?'
'What happened ?'
'What's wrong ?'
'Tell me ?'

'D, go inside !!!'
I looked up and ignored
'D, go inside !!!'
DAMNIT
sorry baby, I left, in anger, in frustration
it is the time, I will never forget in my life
I will never forgive myself for not being with you
but all I really wanted then was to sit besides you and wipe your tears
you were crying and you needed me
but the bastard came in between
trying to show and possess you
I was so out of my mind
you were my best friend
and you were crying
but he did not even gave me chance
to sit besides you and talk
to make you feel cared
to make you feel comfortable
to make you feel loved
I saw you through the darkness
there you were in front of my eyes
lying on the bed, so powerless
holding on thyself, but reaching for me from the inside
sorry that I let you down